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4:45 The Dialogue: Domestic Violence and The Black Man


Man made the confession at 4:44 and the experience was talked about at 4:43. But at 4:45 men and women must come together to have a healthy dialogue that produces healing and solutions to domestic violence.

Domestic violence is the number one topic amongst Black women especially black feminists. This assault on us has left Black women emotionally wrecked and angry towards Black men. Although the rage and pain felt by battered women are justified, 4:45.

I happened upon various blogs and short clips on domestic violence. Some were healthy but most of them did nothing to solve the issue of domestic violence but suggest that women should hate men and never move on. It was sad to see because division, hatred, and rage were the end result. From women bashing men to men bashing women, the atmosphere in the comment section was toxic.

Women, I understand the pain you harbor but you can't choose everlasting pain over healing. There comes a time where you must forgive your abuser and retrieve the happiness he took from you. Remaining mad and demonizing every men because of the wrongs a few men did to you is not healthy nor does it gives you the justice you deserve.

Second, it is not right to demonize men even the ones who committed violence against you. I understand domestic violence is a serious offense against your body, but drop the vendetta. Talk to men about your feelings instead of go on a bashing spree. Bashing men is not productive and only brings division. The men who wronged you are imperfect and need help. This help will not be achieved if we choose hatred over forgiveness and love.

And last, to the women who never experienced domestic violence but defends the battered woman, your job is to defend the woman not influence her to hate her man. And if the woman forgave her man, leave the case alone. Why influence a woman to remain mad over an action she left behind? Let her move on instead of keep her stuck in a past she wants to leave.

Men, stop hurting women. Do you know the violence committed against her body not only causes emotional pain, but it can also kill her both physically and spiritually if she is fortunate to survive? Just because she defies or verbally hurt you does not give you the right to respond with your fist. God gave you a duty and that duty is to protect and love women in the same way Jesus loved the world:
  • "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh...However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." –Ephesians 5:25-33
How can you love yourself when you constantly abuse your wife? A man who love himself is not violent against his woman.
  • "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. Be all of one mind, having compassion, love as brethren, pity and courtesy." — 1st Peter 3:7-8
Men, you don't honor your wife by turning her into a punching bag every time she offends you. No matter what she said to you, turn the other cheek by ignoring her. Don't dishonor her and God by abusing her.

In conclusion, we need to come together and have 4:45 in where men listen to women about the pains caused by domestic violence. In this dialogue men must listen to our cries instead of push it to the side as whiny, bitter, and anti-masculine.

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